dialogue Archives

This article, written by Marsha Zinberg is from the August 2021 edition of Nink, the monthly newsletter of Novelists, Inc. (NINC). Nink, which is packed each month with informative articles for career novelists, is a benefit of NINC membership.

I can still remember a marketing debrief from my early days at Harlequin, when the folks on the ninth floor discovered to their surprise that a romance novel with a toddler pictured alongside the heroine and hero on the cover had outsold most of the other books offered that quarter. Babies, it turned out, helped sell books.

These days, it’s a given that certain genres in popular fiction can benefit enormously from the inclusion of child characters, as they offer wonderful opportunities for creating subtext, irony and humor, and, of course, can do much to help reveal the character of the protagonists. And that’s why it’s so important to get these young characters to come across the page as authentically as possible—as fully realized people, rather than the cutesy, over-the-top stereotypes I’ve sometimes encountered.

Many authors are lucky enough to have a natural ear for dialogue, including knowing instinctively how young children speak. But even though they may be parents, some writers rely on memory that may be faulty or, worse yet, assume they can just make up how toddlers acquire and express language. But with a speech-language pathologist daughter to whom I’ve turned to authenticate children’s dialogue many times during my editing career, I’ve learned that language development is not random, and in fact usually follows a very predictable pattern. Understanding that pattern can be a terrific help in generating children’s dialogue that sounds accurate and natural.

Sound and vocabulary development
Let’s say Jessica and Mark are taking 18-month-old Amy to the zoo. The dialogue might go something like this:

“Look, Amy! Can you see the monkey?” Mark pointed to a tree branch at the top corner of the enclosure.
“Up, dada! Up!”
Mark obligingly hoisted the toddler onto his shoulders for a better view.
“Montey!” she shouted. “OOO! AHH!”
“Yes, it’s a monkey! He’s saying, ‘OOO-OOO AHH-AHH!’”

Amy’s dialogue is consistent with developmental milestones for her age. Here are a few to keep in mind:

Toddlers can understand many more words than they can say. At 16 months, a toddler may understand 100-200 words but may say fewer than 50.
The first consonant sounds to develop for English-speaking children are p, m, n, h, w, and b. These are followed by k, g, t, d, and ng. At this age, it would be unlikely for a child to use consonant clusters such as tr or sp. So at two, it’s most likely still an itsy bitsy pider.
The first categories of words they will use are usually content words like nouns, verbs, and adjectives. And those nouns will be concrete, like dog, rather than abstract, like joy.
First words are usually not more than two syllables in length.
For sentences, a good rule of thumb is: two-word sentences for two-year-olds, three-word sentences for three-year-olds, four- or more word sentences for four-year-olds.

By 18 months, toddlers begin to identify themselves by name. There is also a rapid vocabulary and sentence structure growth after this time; some precocious children (Aren’t the majority of fictional children precocious?) can have vocabularies of 500 words by their second birthday, and they will also start to use prepositions and pronouns, though not always correctly: Me go to the zoo! They are able to use their words for many purposes, from labeling their toys to asking where Mommy is, to wailing a protest at Grandpa.

Grammar and sentence structure
Amy is now about three and a half years old, and her dad, Mark, is totally stressed out because the babysitter didn’t show up. (Jessica is no longer on the scene, having disappeared under very mysterious circumstances!)

“Okay, kiddo, you’re going to stay with Grandma today,” Mark told his daughter as he bundled her awkwardly into her car seat.
“Daddy go to work?”
“Yup, Daddy’s going to work, and Daddy is late, and you’re going to Grandma’s.”
“No! I go to work too! I go with Daddy! No Grandma’s!”

Amy’s grammar and sentence structure has become a lot more sophisticated in a relatively short time frame. Some of this is due to a child’s ability to begin using auxiliary verbs, regular past tense forms, and some progressives and adverbs, which certainly makes writing dialogue a lot easier and more interesting.

Here are some grammar and sentence structure factors to keep in mind for a two- to three-year-old character:

Transitioning to longer word combinations may actually have some toddlers using three- and four-word combinations by 24 months: they may combine two two-word phrases, so that “baby eat” + “eat cookie” becomes “baby eat cookie,” or they will add information to shorter sentences that they already say, so they might add “big” to “eat cookie” to come up with “eat big cookie.”
They will also combine words to describe how objects or actions are located in space: “push me” at the playground or “doggie house” to describe where they stashed their baby sister’s blankie.
Because they are beginning to pretend in new ways, such as giving toys a voice, or acting out events they have heard of but never experienced (like being on a pirate ship), sentences become richer and more imaginative.
Irregular past tenses will continue to up the cuteness factor of toddlers’ speech sometimes all the way into their fifth or even sixth year: my four-year-old grandson told me proudly that he “writed with a cursor on the computer.” When his same-aged cousin was corrected for saying “I standed on the ladder,” he, still mixing up regular and irregular past tense, typical for children this age, altered his sentence to, “Okay. I stooded on the ladder.” This little guy understood his language needed to show something that had already happened, but despite this, children in preschool or even at early school age don’t have the same ability as adults to understand and describe time. Concrete markers, such as “two sleeps” or “one Paw Patrol” are much better understood and expressed than “three weeks ago,” “in the summer,” or “in half an hour.” Similarly, young children express time differently than adults. “Tomorrow’s tomorrow is more likely to be uttered by a child getting ready to start school than “two days from now.”

Theory of mind
Mark and Amy, now four and a half, are out shopping for a birthday present for her best friend.

“Okay, Amy, what should we get Lily for her birthday?”
“Slime. When I was at her house, we played with slime, and Lily really loves it! But I thought it was gross. For my birthday, I want new paint.”

I’ve found that one of the essential areas of child development that trips up writers relates to what psychologists term “theory of mind.” This is simply defined as the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, and knowledge—to ourselves and others. And the above piece of Amy’s dialogue demonstrates that she can now do this.

In fact, as children move toward the age of four, they continue to develop a deeper understanding of what goes on in their and others’ minds. They come to understand that people talk and act on the basis of the way they think the world is, even when their thoughts do not reflect reality. As a result, at this age, your child characters can now begin to lie, trick and joke with others—all of which makes them better able to communicate about individual experiences and a lot more fun to write!

When you are writing young children’s dialogue, don’t be tempted to jump the gun and create conversations out of step with the child’s typical stage of development. Spend some time with a child the age you want to portray, or take yourself off to the playground, sit down on a bench, and just listen to how kids speak and interact. It will be a win-win for your adult characters…as well as your readers!

Handy references

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Marsha Zinberg spent more than 30 years of her publishing career at Harlequin, where she served as executive editor of several romance lines, as well as men’s adventure and Worldwide mystery. These days, she regularly edits several NYT best-selling authors and specializes in developmental and line editing for both new and returning clients. You can check out her editorial services on her website, or contact her directly at marsha@writetouch.ca to discuss your publishing goals and how she can help you achieve them.

This article by Joanne Grant is from the January 2021 edition of Nink, the monthly newsletter of Novelists, Inc. (NINC). Nink, which is packed each month with informative articles for career novelists, is a benefit of NINC membership.

“What’s the fuss all about?” she asked, quizzically.

There are lots of “rules” in writing and with them a hive of opinions and debates. In this article I am going to bravely wade in with some thoughts on the dialogue tag “rule,” which is this: only use the verb “said” unless absolutely necessary. Now the chances are, you will have strong feelings about this use of said, and are firmly in the “for” or “against” camp. However, if you’ve never given it much thought until now, then I want to say “I’m sorry!” Because it seems that when it comes to the humble verb “said” there is actually a lot to be “said” about it!

So what is the fuss all about? I am here to put your mind at rest, offer up some tips and suggestions, and I promise, there won’t be a “rule” in sight. Let’s start by looking into the basic arguments between using “said” versus more descriptive verbs in dialogue tags.

Put simply, a dialogue tag serves to show the reader who is speaking. It is a tool to orientate the reader and smooth their passage through the story.

Against
Purists who argue for the use of “she/he/they said” only, do so because they believe anything else detracts away from the dialogue, action and intrudes on the story. Dialogue tags are functional and therefore should be “invisible” to the reader. There is also an additional argument that the use of alternative verbs, or heaven forbid, an adverb (see article tagline!) is at the best amateurish, or at the worse, just plain wrong.

For
On the flip side, those in the for camp could argue that relying on plain old “she/he/they said” is well, boring! It is creatively limiting when there is a wealth of verbs just longing to be whispered, muttered or shouted—why wouldn’t you want to pepper your prose with a little more flavour?

But which side am I on?
This argument made me think back to my school days where we were encouraged to find creative alternatives to “said” to expand our vocabulary and pep up our creative writing. I am sure the results were indeed “amateurish” and I can’t help but wonder whether the cringeworthy results of this language exercise have left a scar on some writers!

But as an editor, what do I think about dialogue tags? To be honest, I have never felt that strongly about them. That is because when they’re handled well, I hardly notice them—if they don’t bother me, I don’t bother them! I completely agree that their role is functional and can be near on invisible to the reader, but when I do notice them it’s usually because:

There is a lack of them and I have lost track of who is speaking—very annoying!
or
They jump out at me by being ill placed, irrelevant, or just plain bizarre!—and ruin the flow of the story.

Now, my research shows that not all editors will feel as neutral as I do about dialogue tags. This suggests that it is rather a question of personal taste, which is why rules simply cannot exist—it is subjective. As a writer, therefore, how do you navigate this potentially divisive terrain?

Research
I always advise that you research the conventions of the genre you are targeting to give you a flavour of not only content, but also details such as verb usage in dialogue tags. Notice how they are executed, how frequently and whether it is a quirk of the writer, or if there is a convention across the genre. And if you find yourself reading for research but forgetting to notice dialogue tags, it’s likely because they have been handled beautifully. Go back and read with more detail to spot them!

Purpose and techniques
Once you’ve identified the preferred usage of dialogue tags it’s time to apply your learnings. Whether you’re in the “for” or “against” camp, it is still important to communicate clearly what your character is saying. The following examples can help you execute your chosen dialogue tag in an effective way.

Redundant tags
If you’re thinking of using a more descriptive verb or adverb, question whether they add information or meaning that isn’t obvious through dialogue and action. If nothing is added, it is likely redundant and you are in the dangerous territory of telling what you have already shown. Here is an example:

She slammed the door and glared at him. “How dare you talk to me like that?” she asked angrily.

The addition of the dialogue tag in this instance is redundant: “asked” due to the punctuation and “angrily” because it is clear from her actions that she is angry. As a result, the dialogue tag just adds words and potentially slows the pace of whatever the response will be. Using this type of action, followed by the dialogue can help eliminate the need for a dialogue tag entirely.

Aural tags
Whereas, if you want the reader to hear the dialogue and appreciate the volume of what is being said, for example, an aural tag such as “whispered,” “muttered,” or “shouted” can help. Not only can this bring dialogue to life in a way that isn’t obviously communicated through dialogue or action, it alters the meaning too.

There is a big difference between:

“I hate you!” she shouted.

“I hate you!” she whispered.

Obviously, the action around the dialogue will help to fill in the blanks, but If you were a purist, and simply went with “she said” then the action would have to do most of the talking. After all, the meaning of the words can be changed entirely depending on how they are delivered.

As you can see, there isn’t a right or wrong way! And plumping for “she/he/they said” only is actually more difficult that it may appear! Whatever side you end up on, and let’s be honest, there is a hybrid option available, it is all about finding what’s right to your author voice as well as the genre of fiction you are writing, and then finding a match with an editor who feels the same.

I appreciate it takes skill from the writer to execute tags in such a way that they fulfill their function and play an unobtrusive role and seamlessly bring the dialogue alive, but I can honestly say that I have never passed on a submission because dialogue tags—and you can quote me on that!

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Joanne Grant is an Editorial Coach with over 16 years of expertise working for the global publisher Harlequin. Joanne has edited hundreds of romance novels over the years and understands how to coach authors of all genres to deliver their best work. If you’re interested in finding out how she can help you achieve your writing goals, get in touch – Joanne loves to chat! For inspiration, tips and offers why not sign up to her newsletter, join her Facebook group Motivation for Writers! or connect on Twitter @JoanneMGrant.

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